


Tough Love

by Sinesthero



Series: We're In This Together Now [1]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Child Abuse, Darker shit than I normally write, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Pre-Canon, Suicidal Ideation, This isn't really a ship fic but references August/Kroger/Finch, Vallory is terrible, mature themes, teen August, under age sex referenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-09-23 00:29:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20331052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinesthero/pseuds/Sinesthero
Summary: Tales of sorrow from the life of young August.





	1. 17

**Author's Note:**

> This fic serves as background on August for Wanderer's and Cast-Offs but can be read stand alone. It was originally not meant to be continued but here we are.
> 
> No actual parental love implied. Vallory is horrible.

August had thought nothing of the chore his mother had given him. She sent him to hunt for meat and he did it like anything else she commanded. 

He was a young man of many underappreciated talents. 

As usual, he made quick work of shooting down and field dressing a good sized skag. It would be enough to feed everyone currently at camp. There might even be scraps enough to make sausages. 

If he was lucky, Vallory would give him leave for a while and he could slip away to spend time with Kroger his partner Finch. 

They were older than him, too old, really, but he had no notion that there was anything wrong in that. His brand of morality saw nothing wrong in killing much less baiting the lovers into a relationship that was easily facilitated by the fact that he was part of their crew. 

He had sworn to himself that his feelings for Kroger, specifically, were admiration and not just some sort of stupid teenage crush, but he felt a wild euphoria as the thought of being sandwiched between the two of them in the back of Finch’s truck. The affair was all almost all he could think about since it had unexpectedly began during a night of drunken celebration. 

The longer it went on the more normal it felt to him. He had looked up to Kroger since he was small. The man had taken hell from Vallory for him and defended him from her tough mothering when he dared. 

Finch was alright too, though his skills were a little more on the physical side. 

When he pulled up to the vehicle lot of the camp, he saw Kroger leaning on the industrial girders that prevented vehicles from driving further in to the camp. 

His black hair was braided elaborately with beads and he was wearing sunglasses against the late-day Pandoran sun. A cigarette burned in his hand. He took a drag from it as August vaulted out of the vehicle and approached him. 

There was something amiss in the tightness of his face. Even without seeing his eyes it was plain something was wrong.

August walked up close to him and took the cigarette from out of his fingers before inhaling the smoke. 

“Vallory needs to see you, _ immediately _.” Kroger said, with a curt edge to his voice.

August’s brow furrowed and he removed the cigarette from his lips and licked them before blowing out the smoke in to the man’s face. “Ain’t you even going to give me a proper greeting?” August leaned in close. 

Kroger unexpectedly put out both hands to hold him back by his shoulders,. “I’m not fucking with you, August. _ Go _.” 

Blinking, August took a half step back. “What’s going on?” He took another drag from the cigarette before offering it back to its owner.

The bandit said solemnly, “Don’t fuck around… She is _ pissed, _Dude.” He took the cigarette back with a slightly shaking hand and put it back between his lips. 

August’s stomach dropped. That was never a good sign when she was angry and wanted to see him right away. “What did I do? Fuck. What happened?”

“I can’t help you, man. I’m sorry,” Kroger said, his voice heavy with regret. He took off his sunglasses to show August his eye that was presently swollen shut with the skin around it a myriad of purples and blacks. 

“August,” Vallory’s harsh voice called. “Get your ass in here.” 

Kroger put his hands up in an apathetic shrug, turned and walked around the barrier to disappear into the camp. 

“Shit shit shit,” August cursed, sick with fear. It horrified him that she still inspired this level of terror in him. He was an accomplished fighter in turf fights or in the ring, but his mother still scared him more than anything. He jogged to her cabin searching his mind for reasons why she might be in a bad mood. What exactly had she found out about? 

She was standing in the doorway of her cabin with her dark painted lips set in a scowl. Without sunglasses, he could see clearly her scared face and milky, dead eye. As soon as he got close enough she grabbed him by his forearm and hauled him the rest of the way into the interior. 

August backed away from her, cringing when she slammed the door shut. “Ma… I can explain.” He didn’t even know what the problem was, but he was sure he could explain it. 

“Oh, can you, August? Care to explain why you feel it's okay to _ whore _ yourself to my Captain?” She advanced on him until his back hit the counter on the opposite wall. 

August was gob smacked. Was that was this was about? “Ma… what the hell? That ain’t any of your business.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Son. _ Everything _is my business. I won’t be humiliated by having my son playing the slut people who work for me. It’s over.” She jabbed her finger into his sternum until it hurt. 

“That’s not fair," he protested. 

“Neither is life,” Vallory replied flippantly. “If I hear even so much as a whisper about it happening again, I’ll make you regret it."

August felt anger welling up inside replacing the fear with anger, “Why do you even care what I do?” 

“You don’t need to concern yourself with why, you just have to obey me.” She smirked, “Really, if anything isn’t fair, its _ you _ getting Kroger and Finch into trouble. After all… you’re my flesh and blood. Whatever I do to you will _ pale _ in comparison to what I do to them if hear of this happening again. So if you care about them, you’ll stay away.” 

August’s blue eyes were mutinous as he hissed, “You’re one to talk about being a whore… like I ain’t seen all the nasty fuckers you brought ho...” His words were interrupted by the back of her hand across his face. Stars burst across his vision as he slumped back against the wall. She never spared any of her tremendous strength when she hit him. 

Her voice was low and threatening, “Don’t you _ ever _ talk to me like that again, Son. My familial concern for your life will _ only _ carry you so far. Do you hear me?” 

August stayed sullenly silent, reaching up to touch his bleeding mouth with his knuckle.

Vallory ripped his hand away from his mouth and grabbed him under his chin, squeezing till it hurt “I said, do you hear me, August?” 

August wanted to scream, but he buried it, like he always did, deep down in that dark pit in his stomach that fueled his darkest impulses. “Yes, ma’am! I’m sorry… I hear you!” He said, his voice breaking. 

“It’s done.” She said with an air of finality. 

“Yes Ma’am. I promise.” He wanted to cry but he wouldn’t let himself. Tears were weak. Tears were weak. _ Tears were weak _. He repeated it in his mind like a mantra. 

“We’re never speaking about this again.” She released him only to open palm slap the other side of his face to drive home her point. Long legs carried her across the cabin and she turned to settle on her bed. Throwing off her large fur trimmed coat, she said, “I’m glad we were able to come to that understanding. Now be a dear and help me get my boots off.” She said. 

August clenched his jaw so tight it made his ears ring, or maybe they were already ringing from the slap. Shoulders slumped, he walked over and dropped to one knee to help her pull her boots off. Part of him fantasized about getting out his gun and shooting her between the eyes but he could never, would never do it. It just helped think about anything other than the soul crushing agony of having the one good thing in his life arbitrarily taken away by his mother. She would never let him have anything he truly wanted. 

The boots were pulled off of her large feet one after the other. When he set them aside he bowed his head, hoping she would let him leave so he could process the waves of pain crashing against his chest.

She surprised him by reaching out and feathering her fingers through his hair. “You never sleep with an underling. They’ll start to think they have power over you. They’ll start to think that they’re the boss. Do you understand?” Her voice was soft now, consoling. 

August nodded. He’d agree to anything to be allowed to leave. “Yes, Ma. I’m sorry.” It did not make sense as Kroger was technically his boss, but he understood her meaning well enough.

She cupped his face in her hands raised it to make him look into her eyes. She said nothing for a moment, but held his gaze and caressed his burning face with her thumbs. “This is my fault. I should have taught you better.” Releasing him, he she took out her flask and opened it up and took a pull. Next it was offered to him.

He took it. “Thank you.” He took a healthy swallow that burned all the way down but felt good. 

“It’s about time you ran your own crew,” Vallory said. “You’ve learned as much as Kroger or Finch can teach you.” 

“Okay… I’d… like that.” He said and offered the flask back to her.

She held her palm up, “Keep it. We’ll talk more at nightfall. It’s too hot to think right now and I need some sleep. You should get some as well.” 

August was always disarmed by the scraps of kindness she tossed him. It was just enough reinforcement to make him feel like maybe he really was the problem. She was just looking out for him, after all. Wasn’t she? “Yes, ma’am.” 

“There’s a good boy,” She said and gave him a hand to help him up, but forced him to accept a kiss on his cheek. 

“Sleep well.” August said in a soft voice. 

“You too, son,” She replied, drowsily. 

When he exited none of his crew were anywhere to be seen. Not that they were his crew anymore. He trudged back to his own bunk to drink himself to sleep with Vallory’s rotgut tequila. 


	2. 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August considers a drastic step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for suicidal ideation, physical/emotional abuse and codependence.

The day’s heat was blistering. It made August’s palm so sweaty he almost dropped the bottle of unlabeled spirits held in his trembling hand. 

With determination, he strode up to the edge of the canyon and looked down. 

The ground far below was littered with corrosive barrels and scattered bones. He reasoned the drop would be enough to do the job. Even if the fall didn’t kill him by some miracle, he would die from exposure or be put out of his misery by some predator. 

The truth was even at twenty-one years old August had been trying to kill himself for years, but never directly. He only courted death by pursuing violence and self destruction in the form of reckless sex and questionable drugs.

The problem was, nothing killed him.

He won all the bar fights. Fighting his mother’s endless battles scarred, but never killed him. Even competing in ring never took him down. 

It only strengthened him.

Though young, his reputation made him both hated and feared, yet no one would ever hate him with the singular passion that he hated himself. 

Since fate would not allow an easy check out, he had driven himself out here to this desolate spot to take matters into his own hands. 

Once he had dreamed of becoming one of his Mother’s Captains. That life, he thought, would afford him more independence than he ever had as her child. Now he knew that was naïve. She had her claws in him and she would never let him go. It didn’t matter that in his years running a crew he proved a reliable captain and a high earner. He would be her idiot son forever.

For someone who talked about the importance of your inferiors obeying and respecting you, she had humiliated him in front of his crew like a hypocrite. He awoke from a night of drugged excess to being pulled out of his sleeping bag by his hair to be slapped and punched for the crime of not answering her comms. 

Like he’d ever have to use so much of the shit to relax if she wasn’t on him eternally about every damn thing. 

When she had finished spending her anger on him, he got on his bike with no gear and drove to this desolate spot. 

He sat down cross-legged by the ledge and pulled the cork out of his bottle with his teeth. He spat it over the edge and leaned a little farther to watch it fall. There was no point in wasting the booze.

He gulped down a few shots worth, having long ago learned to ignore the burn and tame his gag reflex. If it didn’t numb the pain in his scalp and face, it would not matter. Everything would all be over soon. 

What a place to die. 

The Jakobs pistol found its way into his other hand. The barrel blazed in brilliant sunlight as he touched the end to his temple. 

Click. Boom. It could be over in a minute. 

He could get up on his knees and spray his brains across Pandora and fall to the rocky sand below. It was the only way he would ever be free.

In his mind he could see her calling his comm over and over only to find out in fury that he’d tossed it outside the camp. 

Would she cry for him if she knew what she had driven him to? Would she feel any responsibility for this monster she created? 

He drained the last of the vodka from the bottle. “Okay. We’re fucking doing this. Fuck her.” He took a deep breath, but something in him held back. With all the strength in his arm he threw the bottle over the side, but did not follow. “Come on, you coward,” He berated himself and put the gun back in the holster.

A faint rumble in the distance caught his attention, and he turned behind him to see her massive truck barreling across the desert towards him. Again, he cursed himself for his stupidity. At least she’d have to park and walk up to where he sat as he did with his motorcycle, which gave him more time to think.

The brakes squealed as truck slowed to a halt. He didn’t bother to look. He unfolded his legs and dangled them over the ledge. Only one set of footsteps. It was unlike her to come alone. She seldom traveled without protection.

“August…  _ son _ ,” Vallory called to him as her long legs took her up the rocky path to the ledge with speed. 

Was she afraid? Good. “You put a tracker on my fucking bike. I can’t believe you. You come to give me a push? Am I not getting this done fast enough for you ma’am?” He said the final word with all the loathing as he could muster. 

Her footsteps were slower now. “Stop whatever you’re playing at. We’re going home.”

“No. we’re not,” he said. “If you come one step closer to me I’m jumping. You can talk to me right where you are.” 

Vallory chided him, “Are you drunk? Is this how you want to go out, falling into a toxic waste filled canyon to get eaten by carrion feeders?” 

“Sure.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Better than the alternative.”

“Am I that terrible?” 

A bitter laugh was his only response to the beginning of the guilt trip. 

“I’m hard on you because you need it. Drugging yourself into a stupor every other night is a quick way to get yourself killed… not to mention waste all you earn. It makes you sloppy.”

“Jumping off this cliff is also a good way to get myself killed.” He shrugged and leaned forward.

“Don’t… please. Whatever you’re upset about… I can fix it.” 

“Whatever I’m upset about?! I make you so much fucking money and you treat me like a kid. I work as hard as any of your captains but you don’t respect me. You slapped me around in front of my men... and treat me like garbage.”

Vallory's voice was an exasperated rasp, “I told you how I felt about the drugs a dozen times before resorting to slapping some sense into you.” Her voice softened from scolding back to worry, “Do you want me to say I’m sorry?” 

That didn’t even deserve the dignity of a response.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to see you get killed because you’re too addled to fire a gun… or turn into a husk so dependent on the garbage that you become unrecognizable.” 

August’s chest ached. With no decision made he turned and got to his feet to face her. Forward was living under her thumb. Backwards was death. 

She started towards him. 

He snarled, “I  _ said _ don’t come closer.” He shifted back half a step to the very edge. It felt good to have the power and watch her freeze in place.

Her eyes were wide, “Whatever you want… whatever you need… I can work on getting it for you if you just come to me.” She opened her arms. 

August closed his eyes. Her voice was softer to him than it had been in a long time. The sliver of emotion pierced him and worked its way towards his heart. God damn her. She always waited until he had unraveled to offer him kindness. 

“August, I love you.” This gambit hurt more than a slap.

“You don’t!” Tears stung his eyes mingling with the sweat from the heat. “You love nothing! No one. Sure as shit not me.”

“It was never easy with you… raising you here. It takes a lot to live on this planet and I wanted you to survive… to grow up strong… and you  _ have _ . Of course I love you. You’re my son. My flesh and blood. I love you more than you know.”

“It’s got to be different Ma.” He was already folding for a taste of love. This was a defeat.

She put her fist over her heart, “I won’t hit you anymore… and if we have conflicts well talk in private… you know you have a big mouth, but if you give me respect, I’ll give it back.” 

It was all so unfair that she was willing to give him what he wanted, but only after this act of desperation did she even see there was a problem. 

There was no going forward or back. He dropped to his knees and wept. 

Vallory rushed to his side, grasping his biceps to pull him back from the ledge while lifting him into her arms. “It’s okay… son. Mama’s got you.” This was the problem as much as it was the solution.

He buried his face in her chest and cried, not even sure why he was crying only that everything hurt so much.. 

For once, she did not berate him, but held him close and rubbed his back. “Everything’s going to be okay… you’ll see.” There was no need for yelling. If she could not control him with violence, she would try love and gifts. Without asking she bent enough to grab him under his knees and carried him to the vehicle. “We’re too exposed her. We should go.” 

It reminded him of long ago before things got difficult between them. When she still told him she loved him without the threat of death to pry it from her lips. 

She set him down in the passenger seat and pointed out the water skin on the console. “Drink. You’re dehydrated.” 

He gave a single nod of obedience before he pulled the front of his T-shirt up to wipe his wet face. As sniffled and drank, watching her lift his motorcycle off the ground like it weighed nothing and chuck it in the back of her truck. 

So much for freedom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going through some shit, my dudes. Writing this kind of thing helps tame my impulses. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
